Where would the St. Louis Cardinals be without reigning National League MVP Albert Pujols? Probably lying face down in a ditch somewhere. In a world where athletes are revered as heroes strictly for athletic achievement, it's nice to know there's a man like Pujols out there, taking care of business in all aspects of the game. The game of life. He currently sports a .342 BA to go with 12 HR and 29 RBI, including 4 game winning RBI within the last week. But that only tells part of the story. Did you know that Pujols has recently submitted a patent application for a device that enables hearing impaired senior citizens to discern the ringing of their phones by means of a small pulse emitted by a bracelet that is both stylish and practical? He is currently awaiting a meeting with several prominent Congressmen and members of President Bush's cabinet with the goal of getting the device, once patented, covered under MediCare. Choke on that Barry. Pujols has improved his defense to such a degree that he has a very legitimate chance to win a Gold Glove at 1B, if not this season, then surely down the road. The hard work and dedication that went into the vast improvement in the field also paid off in the field of medicine, where Pujols has reportedly put the finishing touches on a cure for 8 different types of cancer. Manager Tony LaRussa gushes, ?Albert Pujols is the Latino son I never had. My wife and I both being white surely contributes to that, but even if I had a fling with a beautiful Puerto Rican princess, I could only wish that my love child would be 1/8th the man Albert has become.? The praise does not end there. According to Pujols' wife Deirdre, ?Albert is a great husband and father, and as a sexual being, he is second to none. He is truly...blessed, and I therefore am truly blessed.? But what about the little people? I attempted to catch up with Mr. Pujols outside of the beautiful new ballpark in St. Louis following their recent game against the Washington Nationals with one specific question. ?Mr. Pujols! Mr. Pujols! Could you tell me the time? I seem to have misplaced my watch!? ?I've got 10:47.? Unbelievable. Albert Pujols gave me the time of day. He is already the clear frontrunner for a second consecutive MVP award, and we're less than one month into the season. With St. Louis likely to remain in contention in the NL Central, Pujols will continue to shine on the bright stage of a division race. Speaking of shining... Pope Benedict XVI has been approached by the Cardinals (both in St. Louis and the Vatican) with the idea of making Albert Pujols the patron saint of hand-eye coordination, where he would join such luminaries as St. Christopher, St. Mark, and St. Charles Borromeo in the pantheon of Roman Catholic dogma. Regrettably, the discussion about sainthood for Pope John Paul II has taken precedence at the moment, but a decision on Pujols is expected before the end of 2007. He is beloved in his home country, but he is even more beloved in his adopted country. Perhaps after his baseball career is over Pujols can contemplate a career in politics. Rumor has it that the Senate is considering adopting an Amendment to the United States Constitution that would allow persons born outside of the US to run for the Office of President. Unofficially, it is dubbed, ?The Albert Pujols Resolution.? Should the time arise that Pujols decides to run for President under the new Amendment, I have no doubt he would win election with Hussein-like poll numbers. This country needs great men like Pujols to drive in those winning runs with both towering home runs to left center, and seeing eye singles through the hole at shortstop. This planet needs men like Pujols to play that stellar defense, digging errant throws out of the dirt and holding runners on in tight situations. This galaxy needs men like Pujols to show us how to be the best we can be. In sum: Albert Pujols is the greatest being in recorded human history. Why? Because he delivers in all phases.