By Buster Gunning Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig has taken an adamant stance against using instant replay. Now the surlish Commish is taking his crusade a step further, vowing to ban all technology from the MLB. ?I don?t care if the other sports are doing it, instant replay will never sink its flawless talons in my League.? Explained Selig. ?Not only will I continue to block instant replay, I am going to eliminate every bit of technology from baseball.? When questioned regarding which aspects of the game he plans to take on, Selig was very fast in his response: ?For starters, I am getting rid of all the electronic scoreboards, who needs them? Next, I am going to get rid of the Jumbo-Tron, too distracting to the game. And what really angers me are those little clickers the home plate umpire uses to count balls and strikes, those things are gone!? When asked if he was going to remove all the annoying ads plastered all over the various ball parks across America that can also be distracting or if he was going to ban those Bush-League promotions that occur in-between innings, Selig was smug with his response. ?Oh no, we won?t be doing that. Studies done by prominent members of the survey community show that those ads have no affect on the average Baseball experience and in many cases only add to the excitement of America?s pastime. Who doesn?t love the Oscar Meyer hotdog race across the diamond? Last time I played I picked relish and mustard ended up winning. It wasn?t a total loss as relish finished a close second.? Send our favorite MLB between-inning promotion to: [email protected] The preceding article was a piece of satirical fiction.