By Buster Gunning He has done all that has been asked of him in the off-season and to the surprise of his fans, Barry Bonds returned to the Giants lineup recently after saying previously that he would not return this season. Upon his return, it was clear that the Giants? slugger had not missed a beat as his swing maintained its sweetness, Bonds picked up two early homeruns. This after no traces of any steroid or any other performance enhancing drug could be found in his body. So he is in the clear right? (no pun intended). No! Critics are now saying that Barry Bonds is corking his arms, a concept once brought up by Albert Bell after the surly ex-Indians slugger was accused of corking his bat. This form of cheating is now being applied to Bonds, only not as a joke, but as a serious accusation. Serious journalist and web blogger Matthew Aemmer posted the find in his weekly column depicting his jealousy of Bonds? success entitled ?Bonds is a cheater, I just know it.? In his piece, he details how he learned from a friend of his cousin that Bonds has hollowed out both of his arms and replaced the insides with corking, a technique commonly used by baseball players who want to increase their power. Only previously, this technique has been limited to the bat itself. MLB officials have taken notices of Mr. Aemmer?s journalistic integrity and are using the accusations in another feeble attempt to bring down the only player that brings excitement to their waning League. Said Commissioner Bud Selig, ?We are going to look into these accusations, no matter how absurd they sound. We will not tolerate cheating in the MLB and we just know Bonds is cheating?somehow.? I was able to talk to Mr. Bonds himself about the allegations in a brief interview in San Francisco near my home on Polk and Geary. ?Corking my arms? It never stops.? Replied Bonds. ?What do they want from me? I already took the DNA test to prove that I wasn?t a superhuman-cyborg. We all thought Selig went too far with that one, but I still obliged. Now they say I am corking my arms? Didn?t Albert Bell already do that? Forget it, I am not answering any more questions. Now get that camera out of my face!? While it is not yet known if the allegations are true, Bonds will continue to wow fans and anger jealous critics until the facts can be squared away. Please send your Bonds theories to: [email protected] The preceding article was a piece of satirical fiction.