| Joshua Shnider. 30th April, 2006 - 9:50 pm
 With almost a month gone by in this year?s variation on Abner Doubleday?s motif, Red Sox fans have had plenty of time to wind up their whips and find their victims. Per usual, the faithful have spent the better part of the last four weeks sitting on the couch with their trusty brew of choice, searching for something to call up WEEI sports talk radio to bitch about. And thanks to Josh Bard?s bungling of Tim Wakefield?s knuckleball, Wily Mo Pena?s adventures in right field, and Curt Schilling?s immense pitch counts, the faithful have had plenty of vulnerable parties to attack.
Let?s meet this April?s contestants:
Wily Mo Pena: A virgin to this type of scrutiny, Pena has spent most of his professional baseball career in Cincinnati hitting balls 500 ft. With the absence of any right-handed corner power prospects in the Boston system, you?d think this 24-year-old?s raw abilities would be a welcomed addition to the Beantown scene. Think again dearest minions. The man for whom Pena was acquired, Sir Bronson Arroyo, is lighting it up in Cinci, with a 4-0 record and an ERA lower than President Bush?s approval rating. Unfortunately for Pena, Boston?s baseball folk love to draw conclusions from the first 20 games out of 162, no matter that Arroyo is almost 30 years old, has an average ERA of 4.59 per 162 games, was 33-33 for his career coming into the season, and has had consistent trouble with left-handed hitters. As long as Arroyo?s win column continues to swell, Lenny Dinardo continues to take a regular turn in the rotation, and the invisible bees at Fenway Park continue to chase Pena around the outfield, the cries from Red Sox nation will persist; ?Wily Mo can?t catch!?, ?This Dinahhdo guy can?t pitch!?, and ?I can?t believe Theo traded that Arroyo kid!?. In a couple months when Pena is hitting bombs over the Monster, and Arroyo inevitably comes back down to earth, the same fans crying foul now will be saying ?I told you to trust Theo Epstein.? Welcome to Beantown Wily Mo. Before we meet the next contestant let?s take a quick perusal of Baseball-Reference.com?s list of comparable batters to Pena through age 23:
1. Jesse Barfield
2. Rocky Colavito
3. Pete Incaviglia
4. Bobby Bonds
5. Dave Kingman
6. Willie Montanez
7. Billy Conigliaro
8. Willie Horton
9. Harmon Killebrew
10. Roger Maris
And now for the comparable pitchers to Arroyo through age 28:
1. Mike Harkey
2. Kevin Foster
3. Chris Codiroli
4. Rodrigo Lopez
5. Sean Bergman
6. Art Ditmar
7. Ted Lilly
8. Brett Tomko
9. Chad Ogea
10. Scott Sanders
Josh Bard: A throw-in in the Coco Crisp-Andy Marte deal, Bard has had trouble replacing Doug Mirabelli as Tim Wakefield?s personal catcher. And that?s putting it nicely. Unfortunately for Bard, a learning curve is a foreign concept to the Fenway fans. Bard?s recent four-pass-ball performance has Sox nation calling for his head, never mind that catching a knuckle-baller is probably the hardest job in baseball (it forced John Flaherty into retirement this Spring Training). Suggested solutions include having Jason Varitek catch Wakefield and releasing Bard and picking up (fill in implausible replacement here). As for the former, Varitek set the Red Sox record for pass balls in a game (5) when he was catching, guess who?Tim Wakefield. He is also mired in a hitting slump to begin the season. The last thing he needs to be worrying about is the added stress of dealing with the knuckler. His bat is just too important to the Red Sox offense. As for the latter, anyone the Red Sox can conceivably pick up at this point is going to have to go through the same learning process Bard is struggling with now. Giving Bard time to learn is the best option.
Terry Francona: Promises to be a mainstay on this list as long as he manages the team. Recently, in a move that was called ?colossally dumb? by Boston Herald sports scribe Steve Buckley, Francona allowed Schilling to reach 133 pitches in his last outing. Thus his name has been brought to the forefront of the Boston sports talk scene once again. Frankly, the move can?t be fully analyzed until after Schilling?s next start. If he pitches well, then no harm no foul, if he pitches poorly, then maybe the large pitch total contributed to his struggles. Either way it is a stretch to link one increased pitch count to anything that may await Schilling this season, and even more of a stretch to call leaving the ace and workhorse of the Red Sox on the hill for 133 pitches an unintelligent decision. Francona should have earned enough respect by out-managing Mike Scioscia, Joe Torre, and Tony LaRussa in the 2004 playoffs, to not be subjected to the reactionary nature of some in the Boston media. The fantasy stat-heads of the world will have you believing Francona is one of the worst tactical managers in the game. To them I say watch the 2004 playoffs one more time, and then come back and try and make that same claim. He is still not at the level of Torre and Bobby Cox, but there is no reason he doesn?t belong in the second tier, along with LaRussa and Scioscia.
There you have it folks, the 2006 Red Sox nation whipping boys.
(Disclaimer: This list is subject to change daily.)
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